The title sounds like the name of a film – it is actually the mission of a lady who wrote to me this week guides others to discover themselves. I think it is only for ladies, so sadly I cannot search these aspects of my persona.
Tara of www.ElegantFemme.com is asking if there is someone looking for help in return for her family being involved in a French community for some time next year.
I offer the email exchange below and direct links to Tara’s site for anyone who wants to talk.
I am also publishing this as there are some observations in my replies which focus on the differences and attitudes in France which makes for the ‘Frenchness’ of the society.
===
Hi there,
I have been following your newsletter for some time;) and I, as an avid lover and dreamer of fulfilling my childhood fantasy of living in France, have come to a beautiful realization! My family and I are considering spending the summer in France, living, working and becoming part of the culture. My heart sings as I write this, for if you knew what this meant to every cell in my body, you would understand the intensity and fear that accompany this email;0
I was wondering if you knew of any small village in France where we could live inexpensively for the summer (perhaps longer), work as either teachers, waiters, or some other light work (even a care taking position would be entertained.)
We have two small boys ages 3 and 6 and are looking for an experience of a lifetime.
Any and all advice would be so much appreciated!
Thank you in advance,
Sincerely,
Tara Marino
Coaching women through Femme lifestyle design
Overwhelmed? Find out how to go from overwhelm to ommmm by uncovering the 3 women who live inside. Join our newsletter at www.ElegantFemme.com
==
Hello Tara,
I would love to help you realise your dream. Twenty years ago Carole and I left the UK with two small children, both under 4 at the time, and came to live in France. Twenty years later we are still here, the girls have grown up and are strong individuals and our son, who was born here, is doing well at college.
France is a complex country, it has a unique identity for each of the 95 departments – I would go further and say it has a unique identity for each of the 36,000 villages and towns. it is the village way of life that defines France, you have percieved this well.
France has also evolved a social structure which is very different to that of most English speaking nations. Many people coming to live in France cannot and do not accept ‘the French way of doing things’ they love the French way of life, the respect, consideration, food, culture art, health and education – but visitors too often dismiss the rigidity, bureaucracy and privacy. These are two sides of the same coin.
To live in a small French community for several weeks or longer would be a valuable and enjoyable experience, but – sorry there is a ‘but’ – to have any sort of paid employment is near to impossible.
Visiting and staying in France is open and free – you can buy and invest simply and securely anyhere with no complications. However, all activities and employment must be registered. Teaching, even waiting table need correct and in some cases (teaching is an example) local qualifications and registration for social security and taxes.
Having said that, the ‘unofficial’ working community, as in most countries, is large, but it takes time to discover this and casual summer work is very hard to find.
I know there is a solution for your family – I looked at your website, please tell me more, what budget you would have etc and I will look.
Best wishes
Tony
==
Tony,
It was so kind of you to get back to me! Thank you for your response. I understand the difficulty in finding short term summer work and we are open to an experience. perhaps it would help a bit if I gave a bit more detail. I want to spend the entire summer (maybe longer) in France with the family. We are considering doing some volunteer work in lieu for room and board. For me it is not so much budget as it is really wanting to give my family a beautiful and meaningful experience. We have vacationed many places and I truly want this to mean more. We saw an add for a small farm that is being renovated in the south that was looking for some help…that type of thing. I really want to become integrated with the culture and the way of life. I am not looking on taking the boys to the Sofitel;0 Although I do enjoy a bit of female luxury and may leave my husband to ten to the hard labor so I can sneak a petit cafe!
Any and all thoughts regarding what we re looking to do and insight on your own experience would be magical.. Thanks Tony and Bravo for what you have done for your family-in my opinion you have given those girls the experience of a real lifetime.
Tara
PS.
You asked about my business I am a Women’s Lifestyle Expert and coach women on finding peace, purpose and passion in their lives. I would probably be taking care of my clients from overseas as most of my work is done on the phone (which is a beautiful advantage;)
==
Tara,
Occasionally I have seen offers of accommodation in exchange for help – I have done this myself when I was rebuilding our home and had people he to stay for a few weeks tileing and helping me renovate our house (there is still a lot to be done 
)
I can send out a request in my newsletter if you wish and you could look for forums on the Internet and ask if anyone knows o something.
But this will mostly be to English speaking people and this will not give you a ‘French’ experience. To find a French family or a French busioness which can offer you something will be much harder as this is not the sort of thing which the French culture would embrace. The National characteristic is generally polite and friendly, but, extemely private, many French people have never seen inside their neighbours homes, even in a lifetime o living net door to one another. So acepting someone from another country into your property is a very rare thing.
When we bought our first home here, we invited our next door neighbour, Mme Jarlet, into our home to meet us, as we did with all our neighbours. She told us, that althouh she was the best friend of the previous owner and had known her all her life (for over 75 years) she had never once been into her house. Times have changed and this is now a little unusual, but not exceptional. We then found that all our French neighbours rarely visited each others homes, they met and talked in cafes and on the streets (usually in the middle of theroad) and they still do.
So finding acommodation in exchange for some involvement with a French family will be difficulty – but not impossible, there are exceptions, people travel a little more and some are open to new things.
Do you speak French ?
Best wishes
Tony
==
Tony,
Oui je parle francais et mes fils aussi-pas mom mari;) donc, si c’estait quelque chose avec le francais est bon.
Merci beaucoup Tony,
Tara
Dear Tara,
I admire your enthusiasm and desire to integrate into French society. Over the last 20 years, my family has had a lot of experience staying in France for short periods of time and we have been successful in making French friends and integrating into French culture — at least to the extent that expats who are not resident in France can — so I sympathize deeply with your motivations.
With the short amount of time that you have and what seems to be a limited budget, I suggest that you try house exchanging in one or more locations rather than trying to rent or work. We did this for years before buying our house in the south of France, and it provided us and our children with wonderful opportunities and lasting friendships. House exchanging would permit you to use the car of your exchange family or families in France, so that would save you money. Your apartment in Santa Monica should be a good draw for potential house exchange partners, too. You have a great location which is a considerable asset when exchanging.
We sent our children to a French immersion school in the United States and because they spoke French, they were able to play with French children that we met. We were single-minded about immersing them in French so when we chose house exchange partners, we inquired as to potential French playmates for our children and made it known that we wanted to meet our house exhangers’ French friends. We chose our exchange partners for the opportunities afforded for conversing in French and meeting French people, rather than for the actual location of the house or the luxuriousness of the facilities.
We made many French friends in this way and even when we were unable to arrange an exchange in a particular location at a particular time, such as Paris in October, for example, people with whom we corresponded frequently invited us to dinner while we were there. After unsuccessfully trying to exchange in Paris during that October week, we found ourselves dining in Parisian homes all week long and were unable to find time to go out to a restaurant! Our friends were astounded to hear that Parisians, who have a reputation for being difficult to get to know, would open their homes to strangers like this. However, in my opinion, house exchangers all over the world tend to be a different breed of people — more open and friendly than others in their cultures — so it’s a good way to find friends.
Do be careful if you decide to try this route because things can and do occasionally go wrong, so follow the suggestions of the house exchange agency when arranging exchanges. I’ve provided a website for our house in France, but we don’t exchange it so that is not a possibility. I do want you to know, however, that the main reason that we purchased in this location was to be near the three French families who became our closest friends during our thirteen house exhanges. We no longer exchange houses, but we continue to have fond memories of our experiences and value the many ways in which those experiences have enriched the lives of all of the members of our family.
Good luck. with your great adventure.
Lynda Gardner
Lynda,
Thank you for the in depth email! What a beautiful community Tony has created, I am thankful for the sincere response and respect for a dream I have had in my heart for 20 years.
Ever since I spoke those words to Tony, the Universe has begun to open doors for us. At times, I forget how powerful our spoken intentions are;)
Since my email to Tony we have had an offer from a family of a friend of ours in France. They have a home in Paris they would like to exchange with our home in Santa Monica. Our boys go to a French Immersion school as well and will easily integrate into the French community when we arrive.
We are fortunate that we actually have an immense amount of time, my business affords me the luxury of being able to work any where. My desire to integrate into the culture and work is based on the desire to truly become a part of the society I admire so much, we could stay at the Ritz, but it is not the experience I am wanting for my boys;0
I love the advice of asking the home exchange for an opportunity to meet with their French friends and have French playmates for the children-what a wonderful way to integrate and avoid isolation!
Thank you Lynda and thank you Tony!
Much love,
Tara Marino
Hi Tara,
I might be able to offer the exact experience that you are looking for!
We have a house that is over the road from Tony’s. We have done extensive renovations to the property over the last couple of years, but it is lacking some internal and external decoration, but really needs the garden to be landscaped.
We have small children ourselves and have had some fantastic times in the south of France over the last few years. We would be willing to forgo next summer in France to maybe have a house exchange for a couple of weeks your end.
Do you think that this may be of interest to you? If so we can talk further.
Kind regards
John Wheatley