Top Gear Double Declutch

A lot of my mail is about solving problems due to differences with the way France deals with - well- just about everything.

Dovetailing another culture’s system into the French bureaucracy can be like driving an old car which does not have a synchromesh gearbox - invariably there is a grating and grinding noise and it just never seems to get into gear, the harder you pull on the lever the more noise there is and nothing happens.

The trick is to double de-clutch and get the speeds of the gearwheels close enough to allow them to mesh without losing teeth or breaking the system.

Unfortunately you will not find many automatic gearboxes in France.

In most cases like this, my advice is to try and do it the French way, if they require a certificate - get one or “create” one - even if the rubber stamp on it says “ToyTown Railway Station ” (I did this once for a visa application - it worked fine).

A good technique is to perfect the phrase - “My goodness, what a good system, you must be a very clever person as you fully understand it - how would YOU solve this problem if you were me. This drives them mad as they either have to admit they have not got a clue (not normal for French civil servants) or solve the problem for you.

Failing this - shouting, banging the table and, if possible, crying at the same time often works.

Lidl often have excellent rubber stamp kits on offer.