Hot from the Press - Britain beats France

I tend to avoid comparisons between the UK and France. But there is one area I have found where every time I prefer the British variety.

We moved here, to the Mediterranean coast area from the Beaujolais region in the Saone valley - summers there are warm and wonderful, but the winters are cold, icy and a lot of snow. In the Languedoc we have actually seen snow for a few hours on three occasions in the last twelve years and we do get one or two days of frosty mornings a year, but the Mediterranean climate is generally mild and has long hot summers.

Our first old medieval ruin had no heating, in fact it had no roof for a long time, so moving to our “modern” 19th century home near Pezenas with central heating and a huge fireplace was the epitomy of luxury and comfort.

When people ask me about moving to live in France I advise them to come in the winter and to look for houses with good insulation and central heating. Air conditioning is useful in summer so modern heat pumps can give you the best of both worlds.

But until the last century most homes in this region would have been heated by wood on open fires or in stoves. Most French homes will have a log burning fireplace which gives off enough heat to keep the whole house warm and to cook over as well if you wish.

Our central heating is oil fired, although we now have town gas so I may change all this one day - but we use the fireplace a lot and, although it is mid April, I have just lit the fire with logs from the trees in our garden. Not being a brilliant boy scout I use old newspaper and kindling to get the fire started and this is when I found that some British equipment is much better than the French.

Trying to get a fire started with French newspapers takes ages, the wretched things just do not burn or sort of smolder from the edge and go out just as they reach an interesting piece of wood. But if I use a genuine page from a British paper then it flares nicely and ignites the wood, burning properly and thoroughly.

However, there is some cunning plan to overthrow this British ascendancy. UK newspapers are now being printed in Europe and even an inflammatory rag like the Daily Express now burns pathetically like their wimpish Continental cousins.

I assume this is a plot from Brussels to bring the British to heel. I shall fight this incursion into our liberty and luckily have friends who will bring me the real and authentic UK version of the Sunday Times so I can enjoy Jeremy Clarkson and set fire to his writing to kindle a blaze to keep my family warm.

There is also the fringe benefit of glimpsing snippets of old news items just before they ignite and are lost forever, I gather that Scotland is about to take over England (again) well that is not news really, they do that every 400 years anyway. If someone can send me a copy of “The Scotsman” I will test my theory that newspapers from Northern climes are superior.